‘You’ll not know yourself’

I’ve lost count of the number of people who’ve said that to me recently.  Nearly every time I’ve said told them Ciara’s going to pre-school.  But I’m wondering, what does it mean?  Am I going to leave my ordinary self behind somewhere for 3 hours, then pick it up again when I collect my daughter?  Am I going to discover a new identity, a more interesting one?  Or, looking in the mirror during that time, will I frown, and find a stranger frowning back at me?  Creepy.

On a more level-headed note, I suppose it really means I’ve got more time for me.  The problem is, I’m not sure I can ever be me, cut off from all the people I live for.  I’m also not sure I have any thoughts separate from all the mother thoughts that have taken permanent residence in my head.  I mean, look at me, I’ve got time alone to write, and this is all I can conjure up.  It’s a matter of ‘watch this space’ I suppose.  Whether the space, my self, has any substance, remains to be seen.  I sincerely hope it’s a pleasure getting acquainted.

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