Struggles with benefits.

Don’t get me wrong, I would love to not have MS. More than anything. I would love to be able to walk beside my family wherever they go, to move with grace, to wear nice shoes, to not have this imprisoning, wretched, sometimes terrifying disease.

BUT yet again I’m discovering an amazing capacity for kindness in the people around me.

I was always the type of person who just wanted to blend in, but with this, I’m out there exposed. We went on a boat to an island off Dingle yesterday. Stupidly I thought I’d just walk smoothly up a gang plank from a flat jetty. What I actually encountered was a very steep hill leading down to rocks with a little dinghy waiting to take us to a slightly bigger boat. I put my sunglasses on to hide the tears as I slowly, one trekking pole in front of the other, struggled behind my family. As we put on life jackets I thought, I can’t do this.

But then I saw the men in the boat, hands reaching out to help me on. I can’t tell you how thankful I was for them, with their strong hand grip, their reassuring words. (Slightly in love with them now). When I was struggling to juggle poles and life jacket, a woman stepped down to help. The sunglasses were definitely a good plan. The man sitting beside me spoke encouragement to me as well.

All this got me thinking, if I had not needed anyone or anything I would never have summoned up all this goodness. So, either I skip in heels oblivious, or I stagger, fall into blessing. It is humiliating to be helped, but so, so beautiful.

I really hope that one day I’ll be somebody else’s angel the way all those people were to me.

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