How do you feel when you think about next week, next month or next year? Apprehensive? Despairing? Resigned?
Recently I have been trying to shut down my thoughts about the future, because it fills me with so much worry and pessimism.
Yesterday my cousin told me she’s heading off to teach English in Spain indefinitely. As I listened to her talking with so much enthusiasm, I thought, yes, it is possible to be excited and hopeful about what lies ahead. It is possible to make choices about our future that aren’t dictated by fear.
It is always a challenge for me to let go of what I used to be able to do. Everywhere I look, I’m confronted with that. But! What if there’s a way to do things but differently than before? What if things I’ve shaken my head about can still be brought within my reach in another way?
I had my first experience of being wheeled in a chair when I was unsteady after my MRI the other week. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel any of the expected embarrassment or shame. I was able to have a full conversation with the woman who was pushing me. These days when I walk I find it hard to turn my head to talk to the person beside me so this was a revelation. A new way.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still be on my feet for a while yet, but now I’m thinking, maybe New York, if it’s ever safe to go there, is still possible? Maybe I can shake off my hankering after the past and my longing to just be a ‘normal’ person? Maybe that new way will actually set me free?
Has the pandemic compounded your doubts and fears about the future? Why don’t you have a think and see if you can find a different, better? way of being?
I’m choosing to believe that there’s more ‘best’ on the road ahead of us. It makes for a happier life right now too.